Starbucks. Drive thrus. I’d like to hear your beef with either. I’ll start us off.
For the record, though, I love drive thrus. They’re convenient and are very handy. I also don’t hate Starbucks. I get, oh, I don’t know… one or two Americanos during the business day on my breaks. I do, however, have problems with some of what they do and how they do it. Right now, topping off my list is their drive thru script.
Most places, you go to the drive thru and they open with some combination of “Thanks,” and “Order when you’re ready,” with an occasional, “We’ll be right with you.” Not Starbucks. That’s not faux friendly enough! Close your eyes and picture this. Wait. You’re reading this, so don’t close your eyes… but still, try to picture this. It’s 5:30 am in Seattle, dark, about 45F and raining. I am in my little car about to hit a 40 minute commute on I-5 along with an obscene number of fellow commuters all doing the same thing. I’m tired. I’m probably a little cranky. And as I’m sitting in the Starbucks drive thru, I’m very likely decaffienated. So, I roll up to the drive thru squawk box and roll down my window. Now it’s raining on me and in my car. I’m getting wet and I’m even less happy than before.
Starbucks box: “GOOOoooOOOD MORNING! How are you doing this morning?”
The overly enthusiastic “Good morning,” is obnoxious but forgivable. The part that really annoys me is the irrelevant question. Bear in mind, I am only interested in one thing. Coffee. I have no relationship with the disembodied voice from the box. He/She is not a buddy of mine. We have no rapport. So, now I’m conflicted… and wet… getting wetter. Do I encourage the behavior? I could force myself to sound chipper as I reply, “Fine, thanks.” Do I do the voice one better? I could prolong the agony even more by adding, “and how are you?” This would invite the inevitable reply. “Great thanks. What can we get for you?”
I can only hope it’s a renegade drive thru worker; however, the next morning, at the same drive thru, a different voice came from the box and said the exact same thing. Clearly, I thought, this Starbucks has been ill trained. Since, in Seattle, I can literally drive across the street to another Starbucks drive thru, I decided I would just change my routine a little bit and change crews. But they did the same thing. A pattern begins to emerge. I begin to wonder if it’s typical Seattle-esque passive aggressive behavior, being mean but in a nice way. I wonder if the Starbucks employees are really angry and this is a way of making everyone pay for that person having to get up even earlier to be there at 5:30am to take my order.
So, I tried ignoring the question. “How are you?” the voice asked. “I’d like a tall Americano with light room,” I replied. From the pause, it was clear that I had hurt the voices feelings. “That’ll be $2.14,” says the voice, now cold and impersonal.
Well, that didn’t work. I mean, I don’t want to chit chat, but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings… even the feelings of a voice from a box. The next morning, I tried changing up my script. “How are you?” asks the voice. “I’m thirsty for a tall Americano, but I think my luck’s about to change.” That sure didn’t work. Seemed okay on paper, but it goes outside of their script and ends up prolonging the conversation even more. “What was that?” says the voice. Sigh. “I’m fine. How are you?”
This annoyed me so much that I actually tried going to some other drive thru espresso places. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, I don’t like their coffee as much. I like the tall Americano from Starbucks. It’s strong enough, but not too strong and it’s consistent. I know that it will taste the same tomorrow as it did today, and in my book, that’s important. So, if any Starbucks employees are reading this, please stop asking me how I’m doing until I’m at the window talking to a real person, preferably under an awning that will prevent at least the lion’s share of rain from getting all over me and the interior of my car. Please.
Oh, and if I didn’t order a lemon, ginger, poppyseed scone, a low-fat raisin, panino dolce roll or a reduced fat, cinnamon swirl coffee cake, it’s not because I forgot.
What does that mean? The hell if I know. BBM asked me to do this, and I’m a sucker for… you know? Now that I think about it, we can just end that sentence there; I’m a sucker.
Having joined, I am committed to posting every day in November. Do I know why yet? No. Do I know what NaBloPoMo is? No. Do I know what posting every day in November will do for me? Nope. No idea. To be quite honest, I am barely registered on their website.
But I promised, so I will do my best to comply. This is post number Uno (or for you traditional martial artists in the crowd: Ichi).
I’ve got a few things to post about. Of course, much of this will be non-BJJ. I’m in my last month working downtown, so I’m still making only 1 or 2 classes per week, but I’ll try and post something interesting every day, and I’ll try and post regarding BJJ related stuff as I can.
Well, I didn’t make it to class last night. I got off work late, which was very disappointing, as I was really looking forward to training. As a consolation, however, I heard a turn of phrase that I thought was very funny. The reason I was late was a conference call, and in the notes that followed the call, something was characterized as being “overwhelmingly satisfactory.” I’m not sure why, but that just really makes me giggle. It’s the very best and worst of business speak. I thought, as we enter into a new appraisal period, I might try to incorporate some phrases along a perfectly flat spectrum of mediocrity… a five point, perfectly equivalent line starting with Overwhelmingly Satisfactory and ending with Satisfactorally Overwhelming.
“Joe, I want to start by thanking you for your continued contributions to the unit. Your work has been consistently satisfactory. In fact, it is overwhelmingly so. Over the next few months, I’d like to see you contribute to the success of the division by sharing your best practices with your peers. Doing this will make a big difference in overall productivity and I believe help you make the leap from Overwhelmingly Satisfactory to Overwhelming… at least satisfactorily so. Do you have any questions for me?”
I wish I could give credit where due, but I can’t remember where I first got this idea. On more than one blog, people have posted some of the more interesting Google searches that have led people to their blog. I’ve had a few as well, and thought I’d share them. Some are quite strange. First, as a disclaimer, all material on this blog is rated PG-13… at most. I have kids and family who read this blog, so for all of you guys who find me based on these keyword searches, I hope you find what you’re looking for, but you won’t find it here:
youtube head between thighs led one intrepid explorer here:
I still don’t get that one. But it gets better (worse?).
like an anaconda her scissored legs tightened around him Really? Seriously? And that led them to July.
does the dragon pearl green tea help you sleep Well, this one I can answer. To whomever is looking for this, the answer is no. Dragon Pearl Green Tea is still green tea, meaning it has caffeine. While different people are more or less sensitive to caffeine, most will find that it is a stimulant and will generally keep one awake.
fart poems It makes me very happy that someone found my fart poems. Maybe someday I’ll get to sue someone for plagiarizing my work!
brazilian birthday cakes This led to the main blog index… not sure why. Heck, I’m not even sure what would be different about a birthday cake in Brazil.
creatine brazilian jiu jitsu: This one stood out only because it also took someone to the fart poems.
Of course, the vast majority of searches are for some combination of beginner, bjj, specific technique names and searches from people who share the many health issues I have had to work with including a herniated disc, hip issues related to the SI joint, fatness and elbows that are far too fragile.
While there are so many people in the world and only 366 (at least, during a leap year) possible days upon which to be born, I still think it’s neat to share birthdays, particularly when they’re people you like. Coach Foster and I share a birthday, which is very cool. Of course, he’s… a little younger than I am… and maybe a little more athetic. Damn, now I’m getting depressed. I’ll bet he’d kick my ass in video games, too. Nevermind. Enough about that.
I also share a birthday with my dad, which growing up was always made to be a treat. Excepting a few rebellious years in my youth, my dad and I have always been close, and I’ve never felt like I was being cheated out of a share of the limelight by sharing his birthday. On the contrary. Even as a young kid, I always felt like it was a special thing to have been born on his birthday, and I appreciate it even now.
My son’s doing extremely well in school this year, and we believe that this is in large part due to the personality of his teacher. His teacher is a young man with a lot of energy who is sharp, articulate and holds the kids to a very high standard. He also happens to have been born on my birthday, too!
See where I’m going with this?
Two of my favorite movies of all time are the Bourne Identity and Ocean’s Eleven (and all of the sequels to a lesser degree). These two movies, as well as the Departed (damn, that was a good movie) all starred Matt Damon who has charm, wit and talent… who was also born on my birthday!
If you’re interested in seeing what Wikipedia has to say about your birthday, including events, as well as who was born and who died, just click on the day here. If anyone gets anybody good, let me know!
As for birthday celebrations, I had a very nice day. I got to see everyone off to work/school, took the day off and hung out with the dogs. The four of us drank coffee and played video games (Bioshock) until about 11am. I met my wife for lunch, then drove home and played some more Bioshock. Oh, I took some time in the afternoon to sit on my front porch, enjoy the cool but nice weather and smoke a cigar while reading a book. It was a great day!
We had a nice steak dinner, cheese cake for dessert and I got to open my presents, which included a new shirt and tie for work, and a bunch of smell good stuff. I also got a new bag for work, too, so I can give my son back his backpack.
All in all, it was a good day!
While playing video games and relaxing, it did occur to me to wonder at what point do we stop enjoying our birthday? I hear about people for whom birthdays are bad days, who dread getting older or consider certain birthdays to be ominous milestones. I just don’t get it. What do you guys think?
As I get more comfortable blogging and begin to open up the topics to include the occasional post outside of training in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, I’m finding that I just don’t know a lot of things that other bloggers take for granted. I think it has to do with how I came into this entire subculture of blogging. Where most bloggers go into it with the intent of starting a blog, gaining readership and trying to market their blog and, in some cases, make some extra cash, I stumbled into blogging largely by accident. My coach recommended that we all keep a training log and suggested that setting up a blog was really easy. Turns out he was right.
The result is that I sometimes don’t know simple things. Like, what is a meme. What a strange word. Turns out (thanks Google) that meme’s are “a type of Internet meme that requires active participation by the blogger and rarely traces back to an originating source. It’s often a series of questions that a blogger answers to share some personal perspective or experience on random topics.” There ya go.
I try to avoid most of them, but every once in a while, I get tagged to respond to a meme. Honestly, when I don’t want to respond to them, I do what I do in real life and that’s to pretend that I didn’t hear the question (don’t tell my wife).
But I’m feeling SO much better after getting over this exotic, Canadian cold, so I’m going to take a stab at this one: 7 Random Things About Me. I was tagged by BlackBeltMama over on her blog, even as I learned that her husband too the easy way out and brought back Chocolate from Germany… instead of being bold and bringing back a cuckoo clock or a CD collection of Bavarian Polkas from the Hofbrauhaus!
So, without further ado (or if you’re tired of reading this, adieu), 7 random things about moi.
1: My fingers are double jointed. All of my fingers bend back further than most peoples’. As a kid, when I was more flexible than I am now, I could bend my fingers back so that they were flat against the back of my hand… a neat trick for “grossing out the girls” in elementary school. They’re still more flexible than most, and my pinkies can still make it back to touch the back of my hand. Ewww.
2: I am addicted to Petfinder.com. Petfinder is a tremendous resource for anyone who wants to be a part of the solution for animal overpopulation. We currently have three dogs, all adopted from shelters/rescues. I am a huge fan of adopting dogs from the pound or a rescue rather than from a backyard breeder, or worse, from a pet store. I won’t get into the many reasons that this not the best thing to do, but if you’re interested check out the links or just do some reading.
Duke is a Great Dane/Boxer. I got Duke from the Humane Society in Bellevue, WA. He was 18 months old and weighed at the time about 85 lbs (he’s a svelte 115 lbs now). Like many of the bigger dogs, Duke was picked up by a family that didn’t think about how big he was going to be when he grew out of his cute puppy stage. He was also an “outside dog” (no such thing, as far as I’m concerned) and wo
uld routinely cruise the neighborhood after jumping their 6′ fence. To their credit, he was well socialized and relatively well trained and is the Best Dog Ever. Duke’s pushing 11 years old now, which is getting up there for a dog his size. He’s slowing down some, but still has plenty of puppy left in him.
We adopted Ajax and Apollo from a shelter in Eastern, WA. It was a drive, but we found them on Petfinder. This particular rescue would pull pregnant dogs from the high kill shelters in the area, whelp the litter, and then after spaying/neutering the lot of them find them all homes. So, we picked these two mutts up that way. We were only going to adopt one, but they were irresistible.
While they’re littermates, we think there must have been two dads in the mix. I guess their mom (who is a sweetie), ran with a pretty bad crowd for a while. Ajax, as best as we can guess, has some Australian Shepherd and Great Pyranees, along with… some other stuff. These seem to be the dominant breeds, though. The Pyranees has given Ajax a rebellious streak that has earned him the nickname “Devil Dog.”
Apollo is also clearly some Australian Shepherd, and we think Newfoundland. There may be some Chow in there, but I tend to think not. Apollo has a very efficient metabolism. In other words, he’s a wide load. His nickname is “Little Fatty.”
All told, we have about 300 lbs of dog who live with us, and no, they’re not outside dogs.
3: I love to read. I’ve always been an avid reader, and will read just about anything I can get my hands on. I still enjoy Sci-Fi and Fantasy, but not as much as I did when I was a kid. That said, I am a sucker for Robin Hood and King Arthur. I’ve read just about every telling of those stories I can find. I’m currently working through Scarlet, a book by Stephen Lawhead and the second in a trilogy on Robin Hood. Turns out that he’s also written several King Arthur books. Those are on my birthday list.
4: Speaking of birthdays, I was born on my dad’s birthday. Pretty neat. Growing up, my mom was great about baking two cakes, and rather than feeling like I was getting cheated out of my share of the limelight, I always thought it was pretty darned cool. One of my brothers also has a son born on his birthday.
5: I love honey. I have to really be careful, or I’ll gain 30 lbs just from eating too much honey. While living in Boston, MA for three months on a detail for work, I was cursed/blessed to walk past a farmers market daily where fresh honey was sold. Mmmm… quickly regressing into my old bachelor habits, I would stand over the sink and have slices of toast with butter and honey while drinking a beer. Only one dirty dish, and that was a butter knife.
I came back after three months weighing in at 225 lbs or so. Dayum.
6: I still play Dungeons and Dragons. That’s right. I admit it. I’ve played them all, from the old Basic set where an Elf was a race and a class, through AD&D, 2nd edition and now D20/3.5. To be honest, it’s more a time to get together with my friends and socialize. We all have kids, and so the kids get together and play video games or outside when the weather’s nice, and we have a good time telling stories and being geeky. I started playing back in the 6th grade. At the time, there was a fervor amongst some insisting that D&D was leading to kids acting out and accidentally killing each other in real life. This is ridiculous, much as we see that video games, rock music and any number of other things are blamed. To my mom’s credit, she never bought into that crap and always encouraged my brother and I to use our imaginations.
7: Joe Biden is my guy in the upcoming elections. I am not interested in getting into any sort of political debates. I realize that he won’t get the Democratic nomination (which irritates me, because I’m not all that keen on Clinton or Obama), but he’s the candidate that best represents my political views… and he has a voting record in congress that demonstrates his willingness to vote according to his beliefs. I think that he’s got the experience and the political savvy to be a great president who just might be able to pull us out of the current… we’ll call it era.
Now, I guess it’s good form to share some of the love. So, I’ll tag my buddies at Brain Cheese, You’re a Fly, and ChattieKat at The Kat House.
Well, it’s been a week and a half since my last post and I finally felt up to going back to class. I’ll write that up next. I’ve been getting over a crud that started as a result of a ton of cleaning I’ve been doing around the house and at work. I’m allergic to dust, and so the cleaning really got my sinuses in a tizzy. Just to make matters worse, my wife brought home some kind of mutant cold from Canada.
Anyone else catch an episode of Kitchen Nightmares? It’s a show where Gordon Ramsey goes to restaurants in trouble and fixes them up. So far, the recipe seems to be dysfunctional staff lacking clear leadership and a really gross kitchen in which either nothing works, everything is rotten and gross, or both!
I’m halfway through a four month developmental detail where I’m working as a supervisor. The office has a new manager who I really like, which is great, and who wants to work on the office culture and environment to make it a nicer place to work. I’ve been working to that end for the last two months. While a lot of it has been trying to learn the ropes of being a supervisor, helping out with the backlogs, workflow, and all of that kind of stuff, last week I had a chance to get some of the… just crap out of there. I firmly believe that you can’t cook in a dirty kitchen. Not just for the hygiene of it, but you just can’t be creative when there’s junk all over the place. Same goes for sex, art… everything. Wait… not just a dirty kitchen… I mean wherever it makes sense. I’m not advocating sex in the… oh, nevermind.
My wife likes to read books about organization and decorating, but to me it’s all about keeping the junk levels down so that everything has a home that makes sense. No great mystery. When things are in order, you just feel better. So, as things get piled up, get more and more agitated until at some point I take a few days and purge the crap. Most gets trashed, recycled or donated to Goodwill, and the rest finds a home. Gordon Ramsey seems to do two things on his show. First, he identifies the deadweight and either gets rid of them or turns them around. Second, he cleans up the kitchen and organizes it. So, in my own way, I’m trying to do this for my new office, or at least as much as I can get done without stirring things up.
My first impression coming back of this office is that it’s claustrophobic. I personally think that there are way too many file cabinets. The solution to organization after I left seven years ago was apparently to buy more file cabinets. They’re everywhere now, narrowing the aisles between the cubicles and providing more surface space upon which to stack more crap. The other notable change over the last several years is that the staff of the office has been reduced a bit, so now there are several empty cubicles which, once again, provided yet another area in which to stack more crap. Thinking back to when I was pushing paper and processing claims, I can’t imagine getting anything done when I’m sitting in what amounts to the stereotype of a cluttered office.
Another thing that really bugged me was the stockroom. As a government agency, we use a ton of different forms. Lots and lots of forms. Most of these forms are online now, as are the disability folders and such. So, going into the stockroom, a guy can’t find anything in there because there’s so much crap. The forms we do need are buried amongst the forms we don’t… the perfect camouflage.
Getting to the point… finally… I spent a few days around the office. I recycled many forms that are obsolete, as well as envelopes that we can no longer use, phone books from 2003, and anything else that I felt could go. I threw away anything that we couldn’t recycle. We had old headsets that were just… nacky. Oh, and mouse pads and wrist rests that were faded and gross. Who’s going to want to pull that out of the stockroom? Not me… so garbage for that. I was able to get the post office to take back about 50 cases of priority mail envelopes, so that cleared out a ton of room, and worked to put everything that remained in a reasonable spot so that it was accessible to everyone.
I did what I could to make the rest of the office nicer, too, but that’s a larger project that will take some time. I’m hoping, and firmly believe, that with everything in a home people will be happier and more productive on the job. I guess we’ll find out.
The side note, however, is that by Friday, my sinuses were impacted and I was on my way to a sinus infection! Yippee! Just in time for my week off.
I’m a treehugger. I was over on one of my friend’s blogs and she posted a link to this political test. I don’t do many of these, but this one looked intriguing. Here are my results. If you’re inclined to do so, take the test and let me know how you scored.
| You are a Social Liberal (70% permissive) and an… Economic Liberal (26% permissive) You are best described as a:
Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid |
Today, I woke up and for some reason, I felt rested. With the kids in day camp, we’ve all been struggling to adjust to waking up a little earlier than normal. As a result, the kids and I have been tired all week. But last night, my body just crashed and I got a very restful night’s sleep.
Then I woke up and my muse visited me. So, I bring to you a few more haiku:
Strength flows from within.
Protein Shakes and Creatine
The smell makes me tap.
Here are a couple of general fart poems that came to me. These are open form poems in the spirit of, perhaps, the great William Carlos Williams, one of my favorites:
I wept
As I saw your eyes close
in a moment of passion.
Tweeeeeeet
Here’s one I like to call Easter Sunday:
Wafting from afar,
I sniffed,
and at once you were with me.
Roasted peanuts and
A touch of Easter egg.
This is sort of like a haiku. I was working with a 7,9,7 form instead:
Tofu makes noises, water
Sloshing around clumpy white goo.
Is soy a musical fruit?
And I don’t even begin to know what this one means. Just came to me in a flash!
Fast
For days to cleanse.
Eat,
Then poop for days,
Fast.
This one’s simply called, The Shart:
As I strained to make it pass,
I pushed too hard and had, alas
Lost control of my poor ass,
I found, to my surprise,
That my gas
Had mass.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much! I’ll be collecting all of my fart poetry into a collection entitled, “Don’t Blame the Dog.”
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